Trying to calm my craziness through running and blogging....living life to the fullest with my wonderful husband and kids!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Picasso
So, last night we went to see Picasso's Art.......well, Picasso I'm just not that into you. I love to go to museums and look at art. Art is very subjective, and I just didn't like Picasso's work. Just wasn't my thing. In my opinion, his art feels stressed and full of anxiety. It's kind of scary.
Eric happened to mention a couple times that his work has a lot of nipples. Tis true. There were a lot of paintings and drawings of nipples. Anyway, it was fun to just walk around with Eric and look at art. Doesn't happen often. Seeing his work was probably a once in a lifetime opportunity too. Thanks babe for taking me!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Distance
Sometimes life gets complicated. Sometimes relationships get complicated. You would think being married to a Marine for half of my life (jj), I would be better with long-distance relationships. Well, I am not. Especially, when I am in a "weak" state-of-mind. This is a flaw that I really need to work on and fix. Let's back-up a bit, so I can explain why this conversation is taking place.
No one knows what is going on in your life.....well, unless you tell them. Eric and I are enjoying life right now. He isn't deployed. Nor, will he be for awhile. We have a beautiful son that is happy and healthy. He is so smart. I am fortunate that I can stay home and be with him. I don't take loving my family and being happy for granted. Because, at one point, I was so stressed and depressed that I couldn't sleep. I would stay up for hours obsessing, looking on the internet, reading books......all because I wasn't sure what was going on with Asher.
See, everyone has trouble with transition. We moved to 3 different places in a year. Eric was here one minute, and gone the next. We started noticing Asher doing things that we couldn't explain (stimming). He was also behind in his speech.
At first, I was in total denial. Everytime he had a check-up, I would say to myself, "yes, of course he is doing all of these things." He meets all of his age-markers. But, deep down I knew something was off. Something wasn't right. I remember the night before Eric left for Afghanistan we sat there and watched Asher run around flapping his arms making the loudest sound. He could do this for an hour straight if we let him. Eric simply asked, "What is he doing?" I just thought to myself. I have no freakin clue. No other kid that I know does this. There were so many signals and conversations that happened before this enlightening moment, but for some reason, his simple question hit me like a ton of bricks. The denial went out the door. I decided that as soon as I said goodbye to my husband (next day), I would dive-in.....no more denial. I wanted to know exactly what Asher was doing and why. It consumed me. It was almost a blessing that Eric wasn't around. I was an absolute disaster. I'm pretty sure that I broke records for getting shit done though. I had Asher in Speech, Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy and Developmental Therapy within 2 months. Before that, a neurological evaluation, genetic testing, metabolic testing, electrophysiologic testing (CT scan, MR Imaging, PET scan) among others.
I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating properly. I wasn't exercising. I was drinking more than I should. My hair was getting super thin and I felt so emotional, weak and ugly. I was at a really low point. I felt so alone. Realistically, I wasn't. I had friends. I had family. But, every time I talked to anyone, I would get defensive and more depressed. I really fought hard not to do this with Eric when he would call. The more I felt weak, the less I wanted to share with anybody. It doesn't make sense, but this is what happened. My friendships have suffered or have been lost because I fell short to share my life.
Like I said before, life is wonderful now. Asher is doing freakin amazing! I'm so proud of him. He's brilliant, playful and I can't get him to shut-up now! And, I am so thankful. For all of it. Feeling helpless, guilty, lonely, ugly, sad, mad and out of control. I wouldn't change any of that, because it has taught me so much.
One of the back-lashes though is the simple fact that I didn't share with some of the people I loved. Hell, I didn't even share everything with Eric. D-I-S-T-A-N-C-E. It's easy not to share when there is hundreds/thousands miles of distance between you and another person. It doesn't make it right. I wish I wasn't like this. Someday, I hope to kick this flaw.
One of the reasons for doing this blog originally, was for it to be a diary. But, it has actually morphed into a picture album where I don't tell any of my deep thoughts or feeling because I don't want to be judged or have to explain myself. Again, keeping the distance. So, here it is.....this has been on my mind FOREVER....especially after Sunday night when I finally talked to my former best friend. She is getting married. She has this whole life that I know nothing about. She told me that she has been through so much. I wasn't there. I'm not a bridesmaid. Heck, I feel lucky that Eric and I were invited. I am so glad (words can't describe) that she called. Hopefully, I'll be able to heal things with her. I really want to.
As for this blog, I'm going to give you pictures. I'm going to show you most of everything good. But, watch out.....because when I'm feeling crazy and dark, I will share it with you.
Sincerely,
Missy
No one knows what is going on in your life.....well, unless you tell them. Eric and I are enjoying life right now. He isn't deployed. Nor, will he be for awhile. We have a beautiful son that is happy and healthy. He is so smart. I am fortunate that I can stay home and be with him. I don't take loving my family and being happy for granted. Because, at one point, I was so stressed and depressed that I couldn't sleep. I would stay up for hours obsessing, looking on the internet, reading books......all because I wasn't sure what was going on with Asher.
See, everyone has trouble with transition. We moved to 3 different places in a year. Eric was here one minute, and gone the next. We started noticing Asher doing things that we couldn't explain (stimming). He was also behind in his speech.
At first, I was in total denial. Everytime he had a check-up, I would say to myself, "yes, of course he is doing all of these things." He meets all of his age-markers. But, deep down I knew something was off. Something wasn't right. I remember the night before Eric left for Afghanistan we sat there and watched Asher run around flapping his arms making the loudest sound. He could do this for an hour straight if we let him. Eric simply asked, "What is he doing?" I just thought to myself. I have no freakin clue. No other kid that I know does this. There were so many signals and conversations that happened before this enlightening moment, but for some reason, his simple question hit me like a ton of bricks. The denial went out the door. I decided that as soon as I said goodbye to my husband (next day), I would dive-in.....no more denial. I wanted to know exactly what Asher was doing and why. It consumed me. It was almost a blessing that Eric wasn't around. I was an absolute disaster. I'm pretty sure that I broke records for getting shit done though. I had Asher in Speech, Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy and Developmental Therapy within 2 months. Before that, a neurological evaluation, genetic testing, metabolic testing, electrophysiologic testing (CT scan, MR Imaging, PET scan) among others.
I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating properly. I wasn't exercising. I was drinking more than I should. My hair was getting super thin and I felt so emotional, weak and ugly. I was at a really low point. I felt so alone. Realistically, I wasn't. I had friends. I had family. But, every time I talked to anyone, I would get defensive and more depressed. I really fought hard not to do this with Eric when he would call. The more I felt weak, the less I wanted to share with anybody. It doesn't make sense, but this is what happened. My friendships have suffered or have been lost because I fell short to share my life.
Like I said before, life is wonderful now. Asher is doing freakin amazing! I'm so proud of him. He's brilliant, playful and I can't get him to shut-up now! And, I am so thankful. For all of it. Feeling helpless, guilty, lonely, ugly, sad, mad and out of control. I wouldn't change any of that, because it has taught me so much.
One of the back-lashes though is the simple fact that I didn't share with some of the people I loved. Hell, I didn't even share everything with Eric. D-I-S-T-A-N-C-E. It's easy not to share when there is hundreds/thousands miles of distance between you and another person. It doesn't make it right. I wish I wasn't like this. Someday, I hope to kick this flaw.
One of the reasons for doing this blog originally, was for it to be a diary. But, it has actually morphed into a picture album where I don't tell any of my deep thoughts or feeling because I don't want to be judged or have to explain myself. Again, keeping the distance. So, here it is.....this has been on my mind FOREVER....especially after Sunday night when I finally talked to my former best friend. She is getting married. She has this whole life that I know nothing about. She told me that she has been through so much. I wasn't there. I'm not a bridesmaid. Heck, I feel lucky that Eric and I were invited. I am so glad (words can't describe) that she called. Hopefully, I'll be able to heal things with her. I really want to.
As for this blog, I'm going to give you pictures. I'm going to show you most of everything good. But, watch out.....because when I'm feeling crazy and dark, I will share it with you.
Sincerely,
Missy
Dinner Sucked
Last night's dinner wasn't fabulous.....okay, it sucked. I think Eric's exact words were, "Even Bobby Flay has a flop once in awhile. ".......meaning...this meal is so bad, but since I'm starving and love you, I'll eat it without complaining much. Let's just say I noticed that he didn't eat his normal portion.....hopefully he didn't go to bed hungry...:( So, to make up for it.....I'm making him a sub for dinner tonight...HA! I actually think he likes it when I have subs for dinner.....Well, and this is what's for dessert....
This is a kicked up version of bread pudding....has peaches in it too.....yum!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day Weekend
Yesterday was jammed packed full of fun.....we went to Bottoms Up Pizza in Shockoe Bottom....drove around all of Richmond (I love Richmond).....walked all around Carytown....then, we met up with some of our Browns Backer's Association friends to watch the Richmond Raiders game (indoor football)......was a great day!!!
This morning we went to Church.....Eric took Asher swimming at the Y, while I biked my way to an endorphin high.....now, we are in pj's.....going to watch movies and snack.....lay like vegetables for the rest of the day.....Happy Mother's Day!!!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Asher's Gift
Asher wanted me to open my gift from him last night. It almost brought me to tears, it was so cute!
This little dude is pure sunshine!!
Eric and I are taking him to the Richmond Raiders (Southern Indoor Football League) tonight. We are going to meet some of our friends from the Browns Backers Association there. It should be a fun evening. We are going out for pizza at Bottoms Up Pizza in the Shockoe Bottom district beforehand. Asher will love it! You sit outside on the deck and trains pass on the track above your head.....kind of cool.
last weekend at Bottoms Up
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Pizza
Mama mia Asher's makin pizza!!!
Asher's ate every single nibble of his creation....He kept saying, "I'm a good chef!"
While Asher's pizza was baking.....Eric was busy making ours....I don't even mess with his pizza perfections anymore....I just simply prepare the toppings and let him work his magic......
Eric did one bbq pizza and a peperoni pizza with green peppers and onions....mushrooms for me and jalapenos for him.....delicious!!
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